Today marks one year since David died. I’ve had a lot of time to think, to be sad, to get angry, and to ask questions, and I’ve done all of that, and I still do. One particular time when I went through all of these stands out to me.
I had recently seen a story on Facebook from someone whose husband experienced a medical emergency. He got a blessing in the hospital, things started going well, and he got better. The wife wrote that she knew it was the priesthood working. Later that day, I was driving home from the store by myself and I got angry. Here was this person who got a blessing, a miracle happened, and he got better. David got a blessing too, and he died. You might be tempted to come up with some way David, or we, experienced a miracle, but the fact is he died. A miracle preventing that didn’t happen, and everything that came after it wouldn’t have been needed if he hadn’t died. That’s simply the reality.
As I sat in the car, asking where my miracle was, the thought came to me, “is one enough? Is the resurrection enough?” I fought back, “that’s not fair, everyone gets that.” But the question persisted, “is it enough?”
So, I asked myself, “is it? Some people get other miracles that we, or David, didn’t get, but can it be enough for me that we get the resurrection? Can it be enough that Christ came and died, and somehow rose from the dead? That he did what had never been done before: he put an end to the expanse of death, and made it possible for us, too? Is it enough that he put an end to endings?”
I found that even in the middle of that bitter moment I felt a ray of hope, and could say “yes, I can accept it as enough.”
This past year has been hard, and it will continue to be hard; I’ll be sad, and angry, and ask questions. But, I believe the resurrection is enough. It will be enough to carry me through till the end, when, as C.S. Lewis described it, death itself starts working backward, and the end will be the beginning.